It’s my grandfather’s 80th birthday today. (Happy birthday, Grampy!) On Saturday night the whole family got together to take him out for a celebration dinner. We sat around laughing, eating, and having the type of ridiculous conversations my family is known for.
“How old are you now?” my Great Aunt E asked, apropos of nothing.
“Twenty-seven,” I told her.
“Twenty-seven and unwed,” my delightful mother said pointedly.
“Oh leave her alone!” Grammy chimed in, always coming to my defense.
“Well even the weird girl that lives on the corner is getting married! We saw her taking pictures with her bridal party outside this afternoon!”
“Katrina, I don’t know if you knew this, but I never married Cousin G’s father. I never got married, it’s fine. In fact, my Auntie Mabel never got married either! She was with someone – Ernie – for YEARS and they never got married or had children.” Great Aunt E helpfully supplied this tidbit of family history.
“Oh great!” I moaned, flopping dramatically over the table, “I’m going to end up just like Auntie Mabel!”
“I think he went by ‘Ernest’, actually,” Grammy chimed in.
Everyone is laughing at my plight like it’s adorable. I threaten to change my name to Mabel.
“Mabel, Mabel, set the table!” my mother chants helpfully.
“Well, what about N?” Great Aunt E asks.
“He’s a dud!” I say, and my uncle guffaws. “He’s my Ernie!”
“Mabel and Ernie, together forever but never giving me a wedding or grandchildren! I am not okay with this!” Mother squawks. It’s always about her.
So apparently women in my family have a history of being un-wed and hanging around with guys who will never commit. Great Great Aunt Mabel, Great Aunt E, and now probably me.