Espresso Editorials

You guys.

So, there’s this free coffee machine at work, right? I never get anything from it because I don’t know how this machine can make so many varieties of coffee. I also don’t know the nutrition information which is worrisome to me.

But yesterday I was sooo tired. My awful upstairs neighbor/landlord has zero respect for my lifestyle as a 27-year-old grandma and I did not sleep well.

So I went to this machine and I picked an espresso macchiato with no sugar. I figured this would be the least calories for the most caffeinated punch.


My productivity went up about 800%!

By productivity I mean I sent 50 random-ass texts to H and N! But they were hilarious!

For instance, have you ever thought about the phrase “slow your roll”? Have you ever even used this phrase? Is it me and like, two people who use this phrase? Whatever, it’s a good one.

But, like, what are we rolling? Where are rolling it? Are we rolling pie dough? Cookie dough? A PIE MADE OF COOKIES?!

If you’re rolling dough for a pie made of cookies, please do NOT slow, actually. Speed that shit up.

Cookie Pie goes really well with espresso macchiatos, I’ll bet.


*Also, thanks H for the title of this post.


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